I can't believe I am leaking this online, but with The Walking Dead just a few weeks away, I can't help but post this portion of the pirated script for their mid-season premiere! :
[Opening: group sitting around, staring at campfire. Walker groans in near distance.]
(after long silence)
Rick: From the old life, what do you guys miss the mo...
Rick: wait.. wha... you didn't even think about... ok, so NOT running water? Are you kidding me?
Carol: I swear I could burn alive a sick person for just 5 minutes of Internet. I just... I just miss it so mu.... (chokes up)
Daryl: Um... (awkward, pained glances at Rick. Then Carol. Then Carl. Then fire.)
Carl: I... I guess I kinda miss my X-Bo....
Rick: KORRL! Grown ups are talking here! Daryl! Help me here!
Daryl: I... I miss... I don't know... whatever. Hot chicks? Moonshine? THERE. You happy?! Whatever. (awkward glances. Flips hair covering eyes, falls right back down again.)
Rick: (agitated) So, let me get this straight.... Carrrrrol... what you miss the most... NOT dental care.... NOT being able to get up each day without your head being eaten.... NOT being free of cholera.... you pick the... the.... the... the.... the... (tilts head completely sideways) the... Innnnnnternet?
Carol: Yes, dammit! Don't you judge me! Don't pretend you don't miss it too! Remember! Remember when all of us, every single person in America stared at our phones for 6 hours a day?! First thing when we woke up and last thing before we fell asleep?! Don't tell me you don't miss that more than anything, Riiiiiick!!
Rick: (looks perplexed) Nuh... NOOO! No, Carrrrrrol... (tilts head sideways other direction) I doooon't...
Carol: For god's sake, Rick! Come on! Google, Facebook, YouTube, NetFlix! Amazon, Wikipedia, Twitter! Don't tell me you don't miss it more than anything! That WAS the pinnacle of civilization! Words With Frieeeeendssss!!! That was half of my life!!!
(Carl secretly pulls out dead iPhone from pocket with crude Candy Crush graphics drawn on screen with crayons)
Rick: Just... just... for the love of... just stopppppp... Carol...
(Walker groans becoming louder)
Carol: *sigh* Fine.
Carol: (quiet, almost a whisper) GOD what sick person I wouldn't kill for one more chance to look at my Instagr...
Rick / Daryl: (in unison) SHUT UP, CAROL!!
(Walker bites Carol's head)
(Cue cool new opening credits)