Thursday, April 23, 2015

Hello, this is Microsoft calling

This is the true story of a poor, Northwest housewife that I'm married to, being taken advantage of by a professional, scripted telephone scammer. The names have only been changed to expose the guilty. 

*phone rings*

(Amy recognizes area code, gets excited)

Amy: Yes!

(picks up phone)

Amy: Hello?

Not Microsoft: (thick Indian accent) Yes, hello ma'am. I am calling from Microsoft support to tell you our systems show your computer is currently being hacked and we would like to assist you to prevent it.

Amy: Omg! My what's being hacked?!

Scammer: Your computer, ma'am, if you could just...

Amy: Omg! What do I do?!

A-hole: Just go to your computer now and power it on and I will walk you through the...

Amy: I don't know how to!

Jerk: No, I mean just turn it on and I can...

Amy: I don't know how!

Flustered Jerk: Ma'am, your computer is being hacked and if you would just power it on and...

Amy: You're not listening to meee! I don't know how to use a computer! I don't know how to turn it on!

Jerk Scammer: You don't use the computer? Then, who does?

Amy: My children do!

Butthead: Your children? Ok, is one of them available that might...

Amy: Omg! Does that mean my children are being hacked RIGHT NOW?!!!!

Beaten Scammer: *click*

Amy: Awww!!