Saturday, August 6, 2016
"God, please let me go a whole day without something new happening. Please let me stop having new things to add to my blog each day. I am not praying that you make me better, just that I please stop getting worse."
At 2:32 last night, I tried to text Amy to tell her "I am having a seizure".
Four minutes later, I was able to text her.
When the seizures hit, I can feel something misfiring and shutting down. It feels like it is behind my right eye and as if my IQ just plummets. I feel like a real life Charlie from Flowers for Algernon.
The one that hit last night occurred after a very late phone call with my mom from midnight to about 2:00am. We had more laughs than any call this week. But there was also more screaming and yelling the F word. That's how we dysfunctional New Yorkers tend to voice disagreements. If you have trouble conveying an idea and need to really make a point, just say it in ALL CAPS and with liberal use of profanity.
About a half hour after telling my mother "love you, goodnight" and hanging up, I sat on the edge of my bed and for four minutes, lost the ability to stand or even dial 911. I kept trying to text Amy, only to watch my convulsion switch to a shake so severe that I literally threw my phone more than once.
I remember worrying that this was a final seizure before something much worse. I watched as my clarity of thought rushed away from me and was replaced by a gray confusion.
Flat on my back and still completely seizing up, I turned to my right when I heard a noise. My dog Chloe's face was a few inches away, sniffing me and trying to also figure out what was going on. She also happens to take medicine each day for epileptic seizures. Small world!
I thought I was dying. My neck stiffened and hurt so bad that I vaguely remember grabbing it and saying, "what is happening to me?" I yelled out in pain and fear, as I was unable to even text the word, "Help".
I know a lot of people are praying for me. I hope the signals stop crossing and the saints are finally able to get through.