Free gropes from the TSA, no dinner or movie beforehand

In the spring a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love and in the fall, an old man's fancy heavily turns to complaining, especially when showing up at the airport two hours early like they said on their website and nobody shows up to the front desk for another 45 minutes.

They say Disneyland is the happiest place on earth, but did you know it actually is Portland airport at 3:00 A.M.? It's true. Everyone was so excited to go on the ride, they were cutting in front of each other, like they couldn't even see each other, young and old alike. They were so cute!

I figured having to show up this early, the very least I expect is a really, really decent enhanced pat-down. Like, full on frisky. So good, that even if it is done to me by a 400 pound guy named Borlaff, afterward I am going to want to ask if he's seeing anybody.

No such luck. It is totally the luck of the draw and there is no apparent rhyme or reason, before God or man, who gets picked for it.

But there is a God.

The guy who got picked for the grope-a-dope happens to also be the one that, on the complete other side of the building, completely unbeknownst to Borlaff (what a cutie), is the one who cut in front of everybody else in the front lobby.

I bet he's complaining way worse than me on his blog.